LOTR: All that Good Stuff
by Closet-Monster
Summary: Short stories, bloopers, deleted scenes, and more! Funny! XD R'n'R!
1. Dealing with Crap

A/N: Hi! I'm gonna attempt to write some stories!...obviously. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANY LOTR CHARACTERS. Get it? I'm saving up to buy Orlando...but maybe I should try to get a hold of Johnny Depp instead? I'll tell you when that happens.   
  
~*~*~*~*~*Dealing with Crap*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Legolas had just come back from the War. A really stupid War, he thought, over a really stupid Ring. I mean, it's a RING. A piece of jewelry. Maybe Sauron like the finer things in life...mamma's boy.  
  
Anyway, now he was all alone in the middle of nowhere. He set up camp and started a fire. Since he didn't like killing little innocent bunnies, he brought along some marshmallows. And yes, Middle-Earth has marshmallows. Imagine that.  
  
He was about to sit down and roast a few when he heard a shout from the distance. "It's probably nothing." He started to sit again when he heard it for the second time.  
  
"Help meeeee!!!"  
  
"Um, I'm sure someone's just lost or something. They'll be okay."  
  
"Legolas! I know you can hear me!!!" He chose to ignore the voice. It kept coming. "If you don't get these orcs off my back right now, I'll tell everyone you're-"  
  
"Okay, okay! Just give me a minute!" He picked up his bow. He could see a small figure and five larger ones on the horizon. "Sam?" He stringed an arrow and waited. The hobbit rushed down to him, panting heavily. Legolas sighed, "Sam, why do you always have to bring this crap over here?"  
  
"I'm sorry!" he tried a laugh, "I'll just get out of your way."  
  
The elf raised his bow. How many times had he done this? He took a deep breath, aimed, and...  
  
KER-PLUNK!  
  
The arrow flew a couple of feet and fell to the ground.  
  
"What was that!?" Sam laughed.  
  
He shot him a dirty look, "Just practice."  
  
"Oh, okay then, " Sam giggled.  
  
He let another fly, this time hitting his target. "Boo-ya!"  
  
"You still got four more."  
  
Legolas reached back to his quiver and felt around. "What!? I only have three more arrows!"  
  
"But, you ALWAYS have arrows!"  
  
"I'm on vacation!" He used the last of his ammunition. Only one orc remained. "Just die already!" As soon as it got close, he took out his knives and drove them into his chest. It fell to the ground. "Alrighty then," he turned back to camp. "Time fo some-" Sam was sitting near the fire, eating his marshmallows. Through a mouth full of food, he asked, "Want some?"  
  
"Hey!!" Legolas snatched the bag out of his hands and held them protectively to his chest. "These are mine!!"  
  
"Sorry, sheesh."  
  
"Well, you can repay me by gathering my arrows." Sam stared at him blankly. "Do or die."  
  
"Do I have to?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Fine." Sam got up and walked over to the orc bodies. He pulled an arrow out of one's eye. "Lovely." He continued on, stopping only to complain. "You know what, Legolas? It really smells like butt over here. And you know who else stinks?" He stood still, putting on a grim face and folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"Who? Aragorn? That's not very nice."  
  
"You didn't hear it from me!"  
  
"Yeah, well," Legolas laughed, "He is pretty dirty."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END*~*~*~*~*~   
  
...or is it? (you never know!)  
  
You like??? Well, if so or if not or if whatever, please review! You know how. Click the little button that says review below my story.  
  
|  
  
|  
  
|  
  
|  
  
V (over here somewhere! now hit submit review!) 


	2. Aragorn's Attempt to Bathe

A/N: Bwa hahaha! Chapter Two up! XD R+R!  
  
Disclaimer: ...yeah. I don't own....STUFF. Just the ideas. ^^  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Aragorn's Attempt to Bathe*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" Aragorn screamed and thrashed in Arwen's arms. "NO!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME! NO!!!!!!!!"  
  
She continued dragging him to the bathroom. "Aragorn, stop it! You... are... King! And you... need ...a ...bath!"  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
She dropped him on the ground. "Stop whining! You WILL bathe!"  
  
"NO!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Don't make me hurt you Aragorn!"  
  
"NOOOOO!!!!!"  
  
"Shut-up!" She pushed him towards the bathroom. He clung desperately to the frame of the door. "Act...like...a ...man!"  
  
He gave up and slumped on the floor. He slowly crawled over to the bath tub, reaching a shaking hand towards the bath tub faucet. "I...can't...do it!!" He cried and pushed his way out of the bathroom. He ran to the back yard and hid among the bushes.  
  
"Dammit!" Arwen charged out of the house after her husband. "Come back here!!!" She ran to the backyard where she knew he'd be hiding. "Why won't you take one measly bath!?!"  
  
Aragorn considered this question, sitting in the bushes like an animal, and found no answer. He shrugged and stood up."Uh...sorry my love! I WILL take one!" He walked back inside to the bathroom and stood by the bath tub. "Uh...Arwen!?"  
  
"Yes?" she came up from behind him.   
  
"Um...what do I use...to...um..clean myself?"  
  
"This," she reached down and picked up a bar of soap. "See...it's not so bad."  
  
"Give me it." Aragorn picked up the bar of soap, licked it, and spat on the floor.   
  
"No silly! Use it...like this." She got it wet and rubbed it across her arm, making bubbles. "Now you try."  
  
He picked it back up, this time smelling it. "It smells...like you!"   
  
"I know! I bathe everyday and so I always smell nice and fre-"  
  
Aragorn burst through the door and out of the house. He yelled behind him, "You want me to smell like a woman!?! NEVER!!! I'll never bathe for the rest of my life!!!!"  
  
Arwen ran after him, "Which will be very short if you don't get back here this INSTANT!!!"  
  
It was a strange sight to see in Gondor: an elvish maiden chasing down their king with a bar of ordinary soap. Strange indeed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...well, not really...*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: And that, my friends, is why I think Aragorn never bathes. But...I'm probably wrong! Maybe he just likes to be smelly!!! I guess we'll never know. Review! It's the link at the bottom! ^.^ 


	3. Aragorn go Bye Bye

A/N: *waves* Hi. Me and my friend thought up these little mishaps while watching Aragorn-goes-bye-bye-over-the-cliff scene in 'The Two Towers'. If I don't update for a while after this, don't hurt. Highschool's a bitch. ^^;; Thanks.  
  
Disclaimer: ::deep breath:: Idon'townlordoftheringssokissmylittlewhiteassandifyoueventhinkofcomplainingaboutmeowningthecharacters(whichidon't)i'llviciouslythrowarockatyou! ::deep breath:: *PHEW!*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Aragorn Go Bye Bye*~*~*~*~*~  
  
THE SCENE: ARAGORN IS BEING DRAGGED BY A WOLF (why are they called wolves!? they don't look like wolves! what's going on!? ahhh!) ACROSS THE GROUND WHEN THE RIDER...UM..."FALLS" OFF AND THE BEAST HAS THE BRIGHT IDEA TO RUN OFF A NEARBY CLIFF, TAKING ARAGORN WITH IT.  
  
TAKE ONE: It is after the battle. Legolas searches for Aragorn. He comes to a wounded orc (was it an orc? i can never tell.) rider on the ground, whose cluthcing his comrade's necklace. The surviving fighters gather near the scene. The Elf takes the jewelry and heads over to the cliff's edge. He sighs at the horizon and begins to turn around when he hears a distinct whisper below him.   
  
"Aragorn?" He lowers his head to see none other than the King of Gondor dangling from the rock at his feet.  
  
"Oh, Leggy!" the Ranger squeals.  
  
"What!? You're supposed to fall!" he screams.  
  
"Help me, friend!"  
  
"No!" he stomps on one of his hands.  
  
"Ow! What are you doing!?"  
  
"Just-" *stomp* "-die-" *stomp* "-already!" *STOMP*  
  
Aragorn frantically grabs at his feet.  
  
"Gyah! Get off!" he shakes his leg to no avail. "Be gone!" he takes out the necklace and starts whipping him with it.  
  
"Ow! Ow! OoooOOOoooWWWwwwWWW!"  
  
"Bwa haha!" Legolas gives him one last smack before kicking him off.  
  
"Legolaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssssssssss!" the man screeches down the length of the cliff. *SPLASH*  
  
The Elf looks down, then back at the staring crowd. "Uh, nope! Nope! He jumped!"  
  
TAKE TWO: Legolas runs to the edge of the land. Gimli follows. Both look down.  
  
"Do you think that rider could have been lying to us?"  
  
"Well, it's hard to say," the Dwarf points to several Aragorn-shaped blood splatters along the side of the cliff.  
  
"Oh," the Elf pauses, "...maybe it was just a bird."  
  
"Yeah, that's it," they turn around, "It's okay! False alarm!"  
  
TAKE THREE: Everyone is looking over the cliff. Limbs are scattered here and there amongst the rocks. Gasps are heard.  
  
"Oh my God..."  
  
"Is that a...is that an ear?"  
  
"I think it's a toe."  
  
"There's an arm."  
  
"That one's a leg."  
  
"Whoa. What is THAT?"  
  
"I don't know what that is..."  
  
"Oh dude, look!"  
  
"Aw, nasty!"   
  
"Ew!"  
  
"Jesus Christ, Aragorn!"  
  
"I think I'm gonna barf..."  
  
This continues throughout the day, some trying to figure out "which limbs are what", "where they go", and "why Aragorn even HAD one of those".  
  
TAKE FOUR: After hearinf the bad news, Legolas and Gimli stand over the rider, staring at the ground in silence.  
  
*silence*  
  
*clears throat*  
  
*cough*  
  
*shift*  
  
"...maybe we should go look," suggests the Dwarf.  
  
"Eck, no way."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Blood makes me queasy."  
  
"But what if he's still alive?"  
  
"...you go."  
  
"No, you go."  
  
"No, YOU go."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Yes!'  
  
"NO!"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"Alright, I'll go!" Gimli rumbles before heading over to the edge. He cautiously peers over its side. "Hey, there's nothing even there!"  
  
"I know!" The Elf runs over to him and quickly pushes him off. "Haha! Stupid Dwarf!" And with that, he casually walks away.  
  
THE SCENE: ARAGORN IS FLOATING UNCONSCIOUS DOWN THE RIVER. (really try to visualize these ones! XD)  
  
TAKE ONE: Just as his body is about to reach the shore, a giant bird flies into view, grabs him, and flies off.  
  
TAKE TWO: Aragorn is peacefully floating in the water when a humongous boulder falls from somewhere and lands on him.  
  
TAKE THREE: The camera zooms in on the drifting body. All is serene until a faint, squeaking noise is heard. Bubbles appear around Aragorn's butt. A smile spreads across his face.  
  
TAKE FOUR: Aragorn floats into the picture. Ducks and other wildlife had settled down on his body. Fish nip at his ass as more creatures pile on. He floats out of the picture.  
  
TAKE FIVE: As he drifts down the river, a big sock puppet made to look like a sea serpent grabs Aragorn and drags him under the water.  
  
TAKE SIX: Legolas and Gimli have reached the river by now, where they expect to find Aragorn's body. To their great disappointment, though, he is indeed alive and well...and kicking.  
  
"Ahhhhh!" their comrade screams and thrashes in the water. "Help me! I can't swim!"  
  
The Elf sighs and wades out to the struggling man. "Stand up, you fool." He grabs him and pulls him to his feet.  
  
Aragorn ceases screaming and looks around, embarrassed. "I was just, uh, taking a dip."  
  
"Of course you were." Legolas pats him on the back and walks away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...for now*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: That's it! Hope you liked it! ^^ More coming soon...ISH. Review! 


	4. Deleted Scenes I

A/N: *gasp* Thank you reviewers! I feel so loved! *teary eyed* ...erm, anyway, here's a little somethin' for ya...and I mean LITTLE. Yeah, it's short. But I'm lazy. So it's okay. ^^  
  
Disclaimer: You know that I don't own LOTR and it's stuff....yeah....you know what I'm talkin' about! ...um, R+R! And enjoy! ^.^  
  
P.S.: If the format seems a little odd or anything, it's because my computer's being weird! Sorry!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*DELETED SCENES # 1*~*~*~*~*~  
  
SCENE ONE: GOLLUM'S ARGUMENT WITH HIMSELF.  
  
"You don't have any friends. No one likes YOU."  
  
"Go away...I hate you."  
  
*silence.  
  
"Gollum?" Smeagol looks around. "It's your line. Come on."  
  
Cast starts cracking up. "Um...I think he left."  
  
"Gollum!? Where are you!?"   
  
"Hahaha!"  
  
  
  
"Gollum!?"  
  
SCENE TWO: ARAGORN AND GIMLI AT HELM'S DEEP.  
  
"Toss me."  
  
Aragorn looks shocked. "Say wha?"  
  
"Toss me."  
  
"Okay." Aragorn struggles to lift up Gimli. His attempt to "toss" him over to the bridge fails and Gimli falls short, landing him right on his ass.  
  
"Nice going Aragorn!"  
  
SCENE THREE: GOLLUM SNEAKING OVER THE SLEEPING HOBBITS.  
  
"They stole it my precious. And we wants it!" Gollum reaches a hand out towards the sleeping hobbits when he slips. "Crap!" He tumbles from the rock wall onto Sam, who immediately tries to escape. "Help Mr. Frodo! HELP!"  
  
"Sam, he weighs like two pounds. I think you can manage."  
  
"I know," Sam said innocently, "But I just love it when you touch me."  
  
Frodo backs up, "Stay away from me!" He springs off the scene with Sam behind him.   
  
SCENE: ARAGORN'S TUMBLE OFF THE CLIFF.  
  
"Uhh..." Aragorn moans as he lay on his back. He coughs up some water. His horse walks over to him and starts licking his face. "Ahhh!" He punches the horse in the head. "That was SO uncalled for!" The horse walks away.   
  
Sam runs on the scene. "What the hell was that for?"   
  
"He stuck his tongue in my mouth!"  
  
"That cheating son of a-" everyone looks at him. "Oh...um, did I say CHEATING? I meant, uh..." He runs off the scene after the horse.  
  
SCENE: THE ENT MEETING  
  
"Well," Treebeard faced merry and Pippin, "We've decided you are NOT orcs."  
  
The hobbits sit there with blank expressions. Merry gets ticked. "Is that ALL? You stupid slow @$$ *%&%#@%& ^^%$@&(&% ^^%$%^ of $*$!!!! We have to destroy &%^%$#*(&(* Saruman and his ^%%#%$#^ stupid @$$ ^%&^$^% place!!!"  
  
Pippin taps him on the shoulder. "Um...I don't think that was in the script."  
  
"Oh." Merry comes back to reality. "Just gettin into character a bit."  
  
"But your character isn't a &^^$%$(*)()(&&# talkin son of a &^^$%^ **&^&% %^$^. You stupid @$$!!! ^$^%#%&^ %^%$^%%^%#%$!!!!^%%^$!!^%$^%!!"  
  
"Oh, well %*$# you, you piece a $*&%%%&^&**&^$%$#*&*^#%$#87 ^%^%%$# &^$%# ^%^%$^%$!!!"  
  
"Oh yeah? &%^%#^^&%^(*&*^!!^&^%&^!!!*&*)($&^*&%#!!!" This continues on a bit, while the rest of the people present wait patiently for one of them to stop. Treebeard is trying to catch what they're saying and the rest of the Ents plug their ears. Unfortunately, this scene was not shown in the movie due to extreme content and language.  
  
SCENE: GANDALF'S REUNION.  
  
Gandalf reflects the blows made to him by his companions. They can't tell it's him yet because of   
  
the blinding light coming from him. "I have come back to you my friends, for now-"  
  
"Wait," Aragorn shields his eyes. "You're still all glowy."  
  
"Oh. Hold on." Gandalf plays around with some buttons inside his cloak, but nothing happens.  
  
"Uh..." Gimli runs off the scene. He comes back with a pair of sun glasses.  
  
"Hey!" Legolas turned towards him, "Where'd you get those!?"  
  
"Over there." Gimli points to somewhere off the scene. Legolas and Aragorn both run to get some.   
  
Gandlaf keeps pushing buttons. The light gets brighter. "Oh, what the hell?" The producers and everyone else fight off the blinding light with thick sunglasses, trying to get it to go down. They succeed after about an hour. This scene was not shown due to potential physical side effects.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...not! Bwa hahaha!* ~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Um, I'll post some more stuff later. Hoped you liked `em. ^^ Please review! 


	5. Character Trailers

A/N: Yay! New chappy! ^^ Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You make me so haapppyyyy! ^^ Anyway, these are gonna be the LOTR character trailers! Ya know, they go in their little trailer things and see what they're doing! XD Read and enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: LOTR no mine. No anyone I know. No yours either probably. ...*sniff*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*Character Trailers*~*~*~*~*~  
  
TRAILER # 1: ELROND  
  
The camera man knocks on the brightly decorated trailer of the elf lord. A voice shouts from inside.  
  
"Come in!"  
  
The door opens to reveal Elrond sitting in front of a mirror with a pair of tweezers. He turns to the camera with watery eyes. "Ah, just plucking my eyebrows. Aren't they so pretty!?" He smoothes them out with his fingers. "Ahem, yes." He turns his attention back to the mirror and grabs a flash light. He turns it on and points it down at himself. "I'm so pretttyyyy!"   
  
He switches positions with the flashlight. "Look! I'm in the spotlight!" *switch* "Ooo! Look noow!" He finally puts it under his chin and gasps in horror. "Oh my God! I'm hideous!" He points it directly at his face. "Oh, Jeses Christ! I look like a monster with light on my face!"   
  
He stands up and grabs the camera, pressing his face up against it. "Look at my faaaaace! Look what the light's done to my faace!" He abruptly stops and shouts. "Oh, Frodo! He must have been terrified in Rivendell, sitting in that healing bed with me looming over him! And speaking in freaky-deaky Elvish! Gyah! It must've seem like I was going to eat him!" He sprints out his trailer door to go apologize to Frodo.   
  
TRAILER # 2: ARAGORN  
  
The ranger lets the camera man inside. Eowyn posters cover his walls. The camera sweeps over them. Aragorn sees this and stretches his arms out across the wall. "Ah...no, I don't have Eowyn posters all over my walls because I'm obsessive and hate elves. Of, of course not. What would make you think that?" He laughs nervously, then gets close to the camera and pulls out a knife. "Tell anyone and I'll kill you."   
  
*nod*  
  
"Good." He puts it away and walks over to his chair. The camera man zooms in on the pictures again and shakes his head.  
  
Aragorn sneezes. "Eaugh." He sneezes five more times. "Goddamnit. My allergies are acting up." He grabs a tissue and blows his nose. So hard, in fact, his boogers fly through the cheap material and stick to the wall.   
  
He begins talking in an extremely nasal voice. "Oh, this is great. This is just frikkin' dandy. We have to shoot that council of Elrond scene next, and I have to talk in this stupid voice." He blows his nose again. He becomes more nasal. "Ugh. I'm the King of Gondor and I sound like a freaking cartoon!"   
  
Aragorn continues complaining, but the camera is focused on the mucus-covered wall. He notices and pulls out his knife. "What did I say before? Not a word! Got it!?" He pulls out some more tissues and faces the mirror. Seeing the camera still in the room, he chucks some at it. "Do you want a piece of this!?" He screams in that same conjested voice. "Get out! GET OUT!"  
  
TRAILER # 3: LEGOLAS  
  
Barely escaping in one piece from the first two trailers, the camera man sneaks up to the elf's quarters, not wanting to alert him. He presses himself up against the door, straining to hear inside. After a couple of minutes, he faintly hears Legolas's voice singing something. The song wasn't in Elvish. He couldn't make out the words, though, and went to the window.   
  
In the trailer, the elf was dancing around in his boxers and held a blow-dryer close to his mouth. "I'm, too sexy for my cloak, too sexy for my cloak, so sexy it huurts!" He sang this over and over, once in a while actually putting on his cloak and then ripping it off.   
  
The camera man was trying desperately not to laugh, clamping his hands over his mouth while still working the camera. A giggle escaped from his lips. Legolas froze in mid-ass shake. "Who's there?"  
  
*stifling laughter*  
  
"I know someone's there! Are you eavesdropping!?"  
  
"Um, no! No one's out here! Just go back to doing whatever you were doing!"  
  
"Oh, phew. I thought someone was listening. I worry too much." He holds up the blow-dryer and continues singing.  
  
The camera man snickers to himself and runs off before Legolas can hear him again.  
  
TRAILER # 4: ARWEN  
  
The female elf's trailer was located far from everyone else's. It was surrounded by bright flowers and anything else you can think of to make it rich-looking. Murmurs are heard from inside.  
  
The camera man approaches the door without hesitation and kicks it open. Arwen whips around in surprise.  
  
"What, what are you doing here!? I said no visitors!"  
  
He pulls out a shotgun and begins firing it at the trailer's walls, floor, ceiling, furniture, and yes...its flowers.  
  
"Ah! What do you think you're DOING!? I'm Arwen! You cannot defeat MEEEEE!" Lasers shoot out from her eyes as she attempts to tackle the camera. More shots are fired. The camera man books out the door, satisfied at the destruction he caused, and heads over to the next trailer.  
  
TRAILER # 5: GIMLI  
  
Out of breath, the camera man falls against the door.  
  
"It's open!"  
  
He walks in to see the dwarf facing the mirror and grunting at his reflection.  
  
The camera man taps him on the shoulder. The dwarf points to the mirror. "See what I'm doing? See that dwarf in the mirror? He's scary isn't he?"  
  
The camera man hesitates, but nods.  
  
"That's what I thought! But why does everyone treat me like I'm dumb!?" He turns around and points to himself. He puts on an angry face. "This is scary, right?"  
  
*nod*  
  
"Then why doesn't anyone li-" A jet of saliva shoots from his mouth and lands on the camera. The camera man whips it off and looks at the dwarf.  
  
"...oh. Point made." He waves the camera off and goes back to grunting at the mirror.  
  
TRAILER # 6: FRODO  
  
The camera man walks up to the hobbit's trailer, thoroughly exhausted. He taps on the door, but it opens by itself. He takes this as a sign to enter and shuts the door behind him.  
  
He looks around the dark room. No signs of Frodo. He shrugs it off and heads for the exit when a small hand grabs his shirt and yanks him into the closet.  
  
The door shuts and he turns on the camera light. Frodo sits in front of him, whipping his head around nervously. He grabs the camera and pleads. "Help me. Help me! Sam's out to get me! I can here him!"  
  
A thud is heard on the roof, then cussing as the thing falls off.  
  
"See! He's here!" The door of the trailer opens. "Save meeee!"  
  
The closet door whips open and Sam grabs Frodo. He throws him over his back and walks out of the trailer.  
  
Frodo screams. "No! NOOO! Don't let him take me away! Don't let him have his way with meeeeee!"  
  
The camera man walks out of the trailer, looks around, and just sighs. He looks down at the list of names. His work for today was done with, but he'd have to come back. The insanity was not over.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...thingy*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Gyah! Poor little Frodo! ...poor camera man. ^^;; Oh, and I just had to wreck Arwen's trailer. I just HAD to. She needed it. Well, that's it for now! More trailers will come later. It may be the next chapter, or five chapters from now, but I assure you...THE TRAILERS WILL GO ON! *coughcough* Erm, yeah.  
  
^^ PLEASE REVIEW!!! ^^ 


	6. In the Heat of Battle

A/N: While I was updating my other LOTR fic, I thought, 'Why the hell not start this one back up too?' Yep. It's been several pain-staking long months, but I'm back.  
  
*smile*  
  
Special thanks to Firestorm, Insane Elven Pirate, TeenTypist, Purplefluffychainsaw, BURN THE R.U.M, Dimgwrthien, MoroTheWolfGod, and kim for reviewing! You bring me so much joy!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope. STILL don't own Lord of the Rings...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*In the Heat of Battle*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Eowyn!"  
  
"Aragorn!"  
  
Their swords clash, two pairs of eyes burning. The ranger grabs her wrist when she comes close enough and spins her around, forcing her to look up at him.  
  
Sam walks by and giggles.  
  
Eowyn quirks an eyebrow. "Do you know what he was laughing about?"  
  
"Uh, no. Nope." He releases her and they go back to fighting, weapons gleaming in the light. They strike at the same time, their blades coming to a stalemate.  
  
Merry walks by, a little closer than Sam did, and elbows Aragorn in the ribs with a grin on his face.  
  
Eowyn raises both her eyebrows this time. "And that?"  
  
"I swear, I don't know what they're doing."  
  
Their swords break free of each other and they go at it once again. A few minutes pass before Eowyn finally succeeds in taking her opponent's weapon away, allowing her to stand over him with her blade pointed at his throat, a smirk on her lips.  
  
Pippin walks by, singing, "Do a little dance! ...Make a little love! ...Get down tonight! ..Get down tonight!" He points at Eowyn with his fingers in the shape of guns, clicking his tongue.  
  
"...ooohh. THAT'S what this is all about." She withdraws the sword.  
  
"Eowyn, wait--"  
  
She leaves before he can see her smile.  
  
"Ugh, damnit."  
  
Later he went and asked Sam why he laughed when he walked by, to which he answered, "I have no idea what you're talking about," and smiled innocently.  
  
Then he went and asked Merry why he had nudged him and got, "What? I had an itch," for a ridiculous answer.  
  
Finally, he went to Pippin's quarters and demanded to know why he had sung that song and ruined it for him.  
  
He laughed.  
  
"You were looking at her like a piece of meat! If I hadn't interrupted, you two would've jumped on each other!" He slaps his knee. "Besides, it was a once in a lifetime chance to embarrass the hell out of you! Then again, you'll probably just end up in another opportune situation tomorrow!"  
  
The Ranger puts his face in his hands and laughs. "Shut-up."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*THE END...well, not the END end*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Yeah, I know it was short, but I like it! ^^ I'll update again if I get reviews! And I'll try to make it longer next time! (but only if you review!) 


End file.
